My personal hell

I have been debating on whether or not to blog about this, and well I have decided that because I don't write in my journal like I should then I need to blog so I have a record of this!

When I was 23 I had this boyfriend. I really liked him alot. And at the time I thought that I "loved" him. Come to find out, YEAH not so much! Anyways, he was a carrier of cold sores. No biggie. At least I thought!

At about 24 after we had broken up I started to get these little sores in my mouth. I thought they were cankers. The next week I had them all over my gums, inside of my cheeks and all over my tongue. YIKES! These hurt like HELL! And during that time in my life I am sure I used far worse words then hell... After about two weeks of gargling with lidocane and doing everything I could to get them to calm down, they left. And I was left with the dreaded cold sore..

El already had cold sores when we were married and I so I thought good, I won't pass them onto him. Then I had Emer and she to this day hasn't gotten them! (lets hope that sticks!) Then when Korban was about 3 months old, he got a huge outbreak. But because he was so young, he was really easy to deal with and they went away pretty quickly. The unfortunate side of his, is he gets them all of the time now. And Gannon hasn't gotten them yet.

This brings me to present day. Helam has a full blown (even worse than mine) case of them. He has them on his lips, tongue, gums and inside of his cheeks. I noticed something weird on Saturday morning when he was screaming at me. Because the screaming wasn't ending I knew something was wrong so I took him into the doctor. She confirmed my worse fears. He has an outbreak. She told me it would be about a week til he started to feel better and anther week for them to go away.

Sleep isn't Helams friend with these and hence I am in my own personal hell! I feel so guilty for being the cause of this.. (why did I ever kiss that boy?) Now he will have to bear this burden for the rest of his life, like Korban will have to. I try so hard to make sure that when Korban or I have one that we steer clear of the other kids, but what can you do?

I am praying that Helam will start to feel better soon. That his eating and drinking will get back to normal and that we will be sleeping and he will be a happy boys soon!