Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Setting In

The realization that I am not having any more children is setting in. I'm pretty sure it should have set in a long while ago, but it hasn't.

The other realization is I am sad! There I said it.. (this is like therapy) I am overly sad that I am not having any more children. I know that I should be happy with what I have. I am! But I still feel like there is a huge chunk missing.
I cry every day. I'm selfish. I keep hoping for a miracle.

I also feel horrible because I know there are so many people in this world who have troubles with having babies and it makes my heart break for them. It also makes me feel like a total jerk because here I am with 7 and there are people who would give anything to have just one. But here I am a selfish person who just wants more.

Yesterday I was having a "terrible, horrible, no good very bad day". I laid in bed most of the day with Emer (she isn't feeling well) and I looked over and saw that she was sleeping. She looked so peaceful. She looked like a miracle. It was then that I realized that I have so many miracles and I need to focus on them and not the I wants.

I need to focus on the things that I have! I need to remember that my Father in Heaven loves me! I need to remember that El loves me and my kids love me.. Most of all, I need to remember that I love me.... I think this will help me through this ick time...

Monday, September 27, 2010


I don't know what the deal is with me lately, but I just can't sleep. Well I can, come 8 PM. But who wants to go to sleep at that time? But it never fails that 1 or 2 am will come around and I am up. Laying there.
What is the deal? Is it something that just "happens"?
Does anyone else have this issue?
I know El doesn't. Last night, I woke him up because I couldn't' t go back to sleep. So he talked to me for a few minutes and was back out. I finally fell back asleep at about 6:30, then was back up at 7.
If anyone has any help for me, please let me know!

Saturday, September 25, 2010


For the past couple of days I have felt like I have the "Ick".... NO FUN..
I hate being sick.. But really, how does spongebob do it?

Thursday, September 23, 2010


Last night El and I took Samantha to our very first Parent Teacher Conference for Jr. High School.
Samantha did great! All A's and B's.. What else did I expect? Nothing other than that! She is a great student and she did well..

What was crazy was the amount of people there. We got there at 4:15 and didn't get out of there until 6:42!
I don't remember ever going to PTC as a Jr. High kid. Probably because I wouldn't want my mom to go! :)

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Happy Birthday to you Erk

This Friday, September 17th would be my cousin Eric's 23rd birthday.
I have been thinking about him a lot lately and wasn't sure how to celebrate his "earthly" birthday this year. So I thought that I would make him a movie.
This movie is really more for myself and my family and anyone who wants to experience his awesomeness first hand!

I can't help but wonder what the last 2 years in pictures of him would look like. I am sure that Heavenly Father is making a great scrapbook of Eric memories for all of us to view once we are reunited.

The song choices.. Well the first is one that I LOVE and the second one is more for my Aunt Lynda. It is a song that she learned how to play on the piano when Eric was a young boy.. I put it in more for her, because I love her and I think she is one of the bravest people on this planet! She is a ROCK!

Happy Birthday Erk... I love you and miss you!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Blue Mass

Not very far away from where El and I are planning our big life change, is this amazing State Park called Blue Mass. From what I understand this area is covered in blue flowers in the spring. I look forward to seeing all of the colors of spring next year, but until then all of these amazing pictures will have to remind me of the beauty of this place! Be warned, there are alot of pictures. Mostly of this little old cabin that has been there for a LONG time.. El did a great job with the photography.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

TO DO's, TO DO's...

As we speak (or as I type) I should be packing for a trip out to the 240. I am leaving tomorrow morning at about 515 am (ack) and I am being the biggest procrastinator!

BUT, look at what I will get to see when I get there:

Hopefully it won't be stormy.. But, if it is I will be okay because I will bring my coat! :)